A Magic Gathering
An American magician finds a suitable place somewhere on the streets of London. He takes off his hat and places it on the ground. He is big; big presence, big voice, big body. The only little thing is the ponytail gathered at the base of his head. He wears a three-piece suit.
He approaches a random cluster of three people. “We’re going to have a big show here and it won’t be any fun if I don’t have a crowd. I need your help. Will you help me?” His voice and confidence means you can’t say no.
Only one in the cluster doesn’t nod, but rather looks confused. He has a driver’s cap on. “Hold on, then!” he says. His accent is profoundly working-class. “I ain’t got no experience in gatherin’ crowds.”
“Don’t worry, sir, I’m going to show you exactly what to do. It’s very simple.” He leads them back to where his hat is sitting on the ground. “OK,” he says. “I’m just going to wave my arms a little, like this,” he flutters his hands in front of himself. “And when I do that, I want to you shout and applaud like you’ve just seen something incredible, sound good?”
The man in the Driver’s hat looks around him and hurries to begin to shout and applaud.
The magician extends a silencing hand. “That one was just to show you,” he says. He gives a pause to make sure he’s got their attention, and then he flutters his hands. The cluster roars as if they have just been amazed by an impossible feat. Like magic, a few dozen heads turn in their direction and begin to walk over to see what they are looking at.
“Gather ‘round, people!” the magician expands his voice to them. “We have a magic show happening here!” Now the crowd is a couple dozen.
“Ain’t nothing magic happened yet!” says the man in the hat over his shoulder. The other original two chuckle.
“That’s correct, sir, the magic begins once we have a crowd to do the magic on! Now, to everyone that just arrived, we need a crowd or this trick won’t work, so I’m going to have you help me!” He raises his hands. “When I wave my arms like this,” He waves his arms again. “I want you all to shout and applaud like you’ve just seen something incredible. Sound good?” He gives a beat. He waves his hands.
The larger crowd erupts with joy, having as much fun playing the trick as the magician. Now the attention of the entire street is on the gathering. A hundred heads turn, and once again, the magician draws them in.
“Now!” he says, extending his voice beyond what seems possible. “The trick I will be performing for you all today is making everything in your pockets disappear and reappear in my hat here. At the snap of my fingers-”
“Well, hold on!” says the man with the Driver’s cap. “How are you going to get your fingers in all our pockets in that short period of time?”
“That is the idea of the trick, sir. I’m glad you’ve keyed in on that!” The crowd chuckles. “Everything in everyone’s pocket will vanish at the snap of my fingers and reappear in my hat. Take back what you want!”
“Well, hold on!” says the man. “‘Take back what you want,’ that’s implying summint!”
“Yes, sir, you’re very observant!”
The man turns around to face the crowd. “He wants us to leave a little something behind as tip, perhaps if we’re impressed!” He puts his chin in his hand theatrically. “Alright! If I find myself impressed by this magic, I will leave ya a tip. But, if you snap your fingers and my noodles and my phone are still in my pocket, I won’t leave you a tip!”
“Well, said, sir, I couldn’t have said it better myself. To begin, I will need a volunteer-”
“Well, hold on then!” the man says. “The trick to pull us all up as volunteers, one by one, and pick our pockets while we ain’t looking. I haven’t got all day! I got to meet my brother, we’re playing cards today, it’s Saturday.”
“Sir, this will only take a few more minutes. I just need to grab a volunteer just to show that their pockets do indeed have things in them. Ma’am, would you-”
“How we know she ain’t a plant!”
The magician sighs and moves his hand from the lady to the man. “Sir, why don’t you come up, then?”
The man grabs his own lapels with pride. “Well, that wasn’t my aim, but I am happy to oblige.”
“Great! Sir, can you display what is in your pockets?”
“Yeah, like I said I got some noodles in there…”
“I thought I heard you say that, what do you mean?”
“I got a Ziplock bag of spaghetti made by the Mrs.” He pulls out a bag of red and beige slop.
“Well, that’s a little unusual!” he says. The crowd laughs.
“Not in my household! You should come over some time!”
“I would love to, but how about we finish the trick first, what do you say?”
“Alright,” he says, going back to his pocket. “I also got a phone-wallet combo.” He pulls out a massive phone case with wads of money and credit cards sticking out of it. The crowd laughs louder. “And a dog collar.”
“Any reason for the dog collar?”
“That’s in case I find a loose dog and I’d like to claim it! When a street dog catches my fancy wouldn’t want to be caught without a collar, would I?” The crowd howls with laughter.
“No, sir, that’s true. Are you ready for the trick?”
“I suppose I am. I’ll just stick my things in your hat so the audience knows my pockets are empty-”
“No, keep them in your pockets so the audience knows I made them vanish!” he says. The crowd laughs.
“Alright, that works as well.”
“One!” says the magician very loudly. It brings the chatter to silence. “Two! Three!” He snaps his fingers.
“ Oh my God!” says the man. “How the bloody hell did you do that? That’s amazing!”
The crowd cheers and applauds.
“I guess this charming American is coming home for dinner with the Mrs. and I!” He joins the magician in his bows.
“I guess I am!” says the magician. The crowd goes wild.
Originally published at https://www.tumblr.com on January 20, 2020.
