Fear and Toilet Paper in Target

Your journey to keeping up with the coronavirus news

You are at home, off the news because you think it is just fear mongering.

You are almost out of toilet paper.

So you go to Target.

The shelves are empty and the people look frenzied. Maybe something is going on in the news?

You see the last pack of Scott toilet paper. But so does the lady with the kids hanging on her cart. She already has two packs, and she has her eye on the last one. She is bearing her teeth.

You grab the pack.

The lady screams “Get that TP, kids!” and her three kids all whip their heads to you. You run.

Rounding an aisle, a man in a red vest steps in front of you. “No running!”

The kids are coming from the other end of the aisle. You’re trapped.

You climb the shelves. “Hey!” the target man yells. He pulls at your ankles, but you kick him in the nose, and he falls.

You drop on the other side of the aisle.

Before you can get far, you see the lady with the shopping cart.

“Don’t you watch the news?” she says. She squares her feet.

“No,” you say. “I don’t need that stress in my life…”

You run at her.

She runs at you.

You’re both screaming.

You throw the pack of toilet paper in the air. Her eyes go up. You grab the bigger pack from her cart and bolt. By the time she gets her hands on the falling paper, you’re gone.

You rush to the checkout. You see security rushing toward where you came from. They are looking for you.

The cashier is taking forever. She tries to ring up a board game that isn’t yours.

“Just the toilet paper!” you say.

As you run out the automatic doors, security shouts, “Hey! Stop right there!” at you.

You’re in your car and lock the doors. They knock on your window, but you drive away.

You walk into your apartment, toss the toilet paper on the bathroom counter and then drop into your couch.

“Shit,” you say. You turn on the news for just a second.

Originally published at https://www.tumblr.com on March 10, 2020.

Lost southern boy writing around the world. I write about creativity and money. taylorforeman.com